Birth Story

This is the story of Crazy Margie's last daughter's birth, in Margie's words. Dumb to reread when one is pregnant and emotional. But for normal folks, it is wonderful.

THE STORY OF MARIA FRANCES BONA’S BIRTH

THANKSGIVING DAY, 2003

My labor started at 5AM with my water breaking in a flood. I had been restless and just fallen asleep at 4AM. So with a mere hour of sleep under my belt, I prepared to birth our 4th baby.

I called our midwife (we had planned a home birth) right away and apologized for calling at 5AM and waking her up. She said it was OK as just 30 seconds before another mom had called and was also in labor. I thought “Oh Lord, I just want her with me and now!” as I remembered our last birth which came so fast and I had to wait for her for 20 minutes to assist in the birth of Theresa. She explained that all births are different and to call with an update as soon as I timed some contractions. Since nothing much was happening, I called back around 7AM and she said she’d head to the other birth, (in WI) as the other mom appeared to be further along.

Since I do my laboring best standing (and working) I washed several loads of clothes, did dishes, etc. the whole morning. I’d lay down and rest from time to time to check the timing of contractions, but they were so sporadic and light I continued to get up and “nest.”

Around noon my midwife called to say the other babe was born, and she’d be heading over. I told her not to rush, to eat something first, as nothing much was happening over here.

She arrived around 3PM, and immediately checked the heart rate. It was 130 (good!). She then did a vaginal exam. Finding a foot or an elbow instead of a head, she told me that we needed to get to the hospital fast. She said that everything was high up (including the cord) but that I was dilated to around 8 and that we needed to move fast. I never expected this and asked what they’d do at the hospital. She said they’d probably do an ultrasound to check the exact position of the babe, and then most probably do a C-section. I started to cry - such overwhelming news! But I trust her (she’s had over 23 years experience) and agreed to go. She made a quick call to the hospital so they’d be ready for us and Dan quickly got the car ready.

Dan and my midwife walked me carefully out to the car and laid me in back seat. I couldn’t figure out what the big deal was as I’d been on my feet all day up to that point! We arrived at the hospital around 4PM (just minutes from home) and the delivery nurses met us at our car door with a wheelchair. They flew us in and into a delivery room. I quickly changed into a gown and the one of the nurses used a dop tone to check for a heart rate. She found none.

She then called in the doctors – an OBGYN and one of the family physicians from our clinic, who were in the hospital and on call at the time. They did the ultrasound immediately, and were very quiet. I couldn’t figure out why, so I asked how the baby was doing. Since they didn’t reply, I waited.

Just then Dan walked in (he’d been parking the cars) and they shut down their machines and said that they were terribly sorry, but our baby was dead. One cannot describe the thoughts that parents feel when given this news. But we knew without a doubt that since 2 experienced OB nurses and 2 experienced doctors had reviewed the case facts and come to the same conclusions, the babe was indeed dead. They couldn’t tell us if it was a boy or a girl, as they had looked only at the heart, and it was completely still. They had a clear view of the heart – you could see both the right and left ventricles - and there was no movement. Both my midwife and I saw the screen too, and I was puzzled as to why there was no movement at all. The answer was simply that the baby was dead. No one can live without a beating heart. They had looked at several views, and all were the same.

They then told me that at some point I’d have to deliver the baby as they’d like to spare me a C-section, but that there was no rush since the babe was dead. They said to take some time, then call when I wanted to start the pitocin (my contractions had stopped). We called them after about 15 minutes because I wanted to get on with it. They started the intravenous drip at 5PM and said that since I was already dilated to 8, it would take about an hour to deliver.

Dr. Neil Arnold, the delivery doctor that was on call arrived and introduced himself. He explained what they would be trying to avoid a C-section, and he offered us words of comfort. He said he was Jewish and we could tell he too had a deep faith in God. What we didn’t realize was that he had over 30 years experience in delivering babies, and had a special talent in delivering breech babies by manipulation, because that’s how he was taught years ago before C-sections became so prevalent.

The contractions started right away, but were not overwhelming at first. The nurses talked to us about having our other children brought in (they were at Uncle Rich and Auntie Barb’s for Thanksgiving dinner) to hold the babe and spend time with it before sending it to the funeral home. They mentioned possible organ donations. They talked about naming the baby before burial, taking pictures and tiny footprints. We shed more tears in that short amount of time than can be counted!

As a note here, I’d like to mention that despite the flood of grief which washed over us in waves, both Dan and I had the definite belief that this was God’s will for us and our little one, and that we would want nothing less than God’s will in this matter. We are always happy when God blesses us with things that are obviously “good” – like the birth of a healthy baby. But “blessings in disguise” such as a baby dying are never so happily received. However, we believed that the death of our baby had to be a blessing because we believe that God loves us more dearly than we could ever understand, and that He would do nothing that would not be in our best interest, out of love for us. He knows what we need most, and we both agreed that we would want nothing less than whatever gift He would give to us, even the death of our dear little baby.


The contractions got stronger and closer together, but still no baby after an hour and a half. The nurses and my midwife, helped me to push, but with no success. They assured me that eventually the strong contractions would bring the baby down far enough to allow me to push the baby out. But with only an hour sleep the night before and with the strong pitocin contractions coming 30 seconds apart, I was nearing the end of my stamina.

Finally, at around 6:45PM, a little hand popped out, along with the cord. My midwife started to cry because the hand was so perfect. Dan looked down and said he saw the hand move and he said that I screamed “WHAT?!!” Dr. Arnold saw it too and screamed for an ultrasound machine, which the nurses ran immediately to bring. Again, they found the heart, but again, clearly no activity at all. Dr. Arnold concluded the movement must have been a reflex based on the contractions. The baby was dead. The second ultrasound merely confirmed what the first had already shown nearly 3 hours before, and we all saw it.

Now with the certainty that the baby to be born was dead, and with the hand presenting, it was clear the baby could not be born vaginally without manipulation. Hand presentation is one of the only instances where it is anatomically impossible to deliver vaginally. So Dr. Arnold, still hoping to spare me a C-section, suggested that he could take me to the OR, put me under general anesthesia, and try to manipulate the babe back up the birth canal, reposition it, and pull it out manually. If that didn’t work, he’d do a C-section at that time. I agreed and they whisked me off. Dan and and my midwife remained in the birthing room.

This is what I was told happened next: once I was out, Dr. Arnold pushed the hand and cord back up the birth canal, went into the uterus and found a foot. He pulled on the foot and the rest of the body slid out “rather easily.” They then put the body on my chest and rubbed it dry with a towel, and placed it on the warming cart to finish up with me. At this point the baby girl gasped. They all heard it, and all eyes were riveted on that table, when the babe gasped again. Dr. Arnold yelled a “code pink in OR” (baby in trouble) and the personnel came running. Dan and my midwife heard the code and the commotion and Dan ran out to the main desk to ask if I was in trouble. The nurse said “No, your wife is fine, but you have a baby girl that needs help.” They were stunned. I talked to one of the nurses later who said that they heard the code pink to OR and said “Which baby is that?!” and the other nurse said it was the “fetal demise.” No one could believe it. They rushed in to “bag” Maria (help her get started breathing properly) and worked on her for over 2 hours. They tried inserting a breathing tube, which she pulled out herself before they could x-ray her chest to check for proper positioning. She was fiesty and fought for life right at the start.




When I woke up 45 minutes later the first thing Dr. Arnold said to me was “Congratulations, you have a baby girl. What’s her name?” I had picked out the name Maria (in honor of Jesus’ mother Mary) earlier in the week and told him that name, and then said “WHAT?!!!” I cannot describe my feelings and thoughts at that point. I could not believe that our precious baby that was dead was now alive. How could this be? No one can tell us because no one knows the answer. It’s a miracle. A miracle given to us on Thanksgiving Day, no less, by God Who wanted to show us all who’s really in charge. He is not bound by the laws of this universe which He created, but will give and take as He sees fit, for the love of us.

It’s now 12/1/03, and little Maria is still in the special care nursery, but doing amazingly well. We hope to be taking her home in a couple of days when her intravenous antibiotics are finished. Her story has already spread far and wide, from the hospital staff, family and friends. We thank God for our midwife, and the wonderful nurses and doctors who God hand picked to share this miracle first hand with us. We are so grateful for their expertise and their prayers. God was truly the focus of all our attention: Catholics, Protestants, Jews and the like as we all thanked God for this event that none of us will ever forget. It has changed our lives forever.

Some people have asked about equipment failure. This is not a possibility, as in 3 separate instances the equipment showed that Maria was dead. First with the dop tone, then with the first ultrasound, and finally with the second ultrasound nearly 3 hours later. And 3 separate doctors and 2 experienced nurses and an experienced midwife all viewed the available information presented to them, and they all agreed. Maria was dead.

For our part we thank God over and over for this incredible experience, and it’s shown me in a way like none other what a precious gift life is. Our little Maria was dead, and is now alive. To God be the thanks and glory – Amen!!